The Animals Reveal All
by Super Nova2
Summary: Ein is sick of always bailing out the Bebop crew. Vicious's bird is sick of the way his owner treats him. Now the animals get their revenge by spilling juicy secrets of their human companions. Please r/r!!
1. Ein Reveals All

Disclaimer: I don't own CB, I'm not making money from it. I'm just a good- natured fan.  
  
  
  
A/N: This is my attempt at humor. It's my first Bebop fan fiction, so please review-and be gentle!  
  
  
  
  
  
Hello computer people, Ein here! Now, the crew of the Bebop have entrusted me with many secrets over time. Quite frankly, I'm tired of always being the good little dog that I am (always rescuing the humans from the stupid predicaments that they are always getting themselves into) and, for your amusement and mine, I am going to share a few of the well-kept secrets of the Bebop crew.  
  
  
  
Jet  
  
  
  
~ When nobody is around, Jet enjoys singing show tunes. Especially to his Bonsai trees.  
  
  
  
~ He often pretends to be out of beef, but is actually hiding it and keeping it for himself.  
  
  
  
~ He sometimes deliberately puts off fixing the shower just to make Faye mad.  
  
  
  
~ He secretly loved Ed's mushrooms and wants more.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Faye  
  
  
  
~ She once dated a ninety-six year old man because he was rich.  
  
  
  
~ She often steals from Spike and Jet. Wait a minute, that's not a secret is it?  
  
  
  
~ Faye secretly loves dogs ("Ein, what a cute little doggy woggy!")  
  
  
  
~ Once she got drunk and made out with Spike.  
  
  
  
  
  
Spike  
  
  
  
  
  
~Spike spends two hours every morning trying to make his hair as pouffy as possible.  
  
  
  
~ Contrary to popular belief, Spike actually owns only the one suit, not a lot of suits that look alike.  
  
  
  
~ He has a secret crush on Faye (shhh!)  
  
  
  
~ Spike occasionally gets male manicures.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ed  
  
  
  
  
  
~ As good as she is with computers, Ed often needs the assistance of a certain charmingly brilliant corgi.  
  
  
  
  
  
~ Every day, Ed puts two pink dots on her cheeks (using make-up stolen from Faye, of course) because she thinks they make her look cute and sweet.  
  
  
  
~Ed is 13 and still talks baby talk. Okay, I know that's not a secret, but I thought it was worth mentioning.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
People can always trust their pets with their secrets, but the people I live with really need to learn that I'm not an ordinary pet! Goodbye (for now. . .)!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Please review, but don't be too harsh! If I get enough (good) reviews, I'll think about creating another chapter-if I can think of enough new secrets! If anyone's got any ideas of suggestions, please review and tell me. Thanks! 


	2. The Bird does it have a name? Reveals Al...

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and put in suggestions! As you can see, I used many of them! Also, this is really short and I am very sorry, but I am having writer's block and yeah, I'm sorry it's so short.  
  
This is from the POV of Vicious's bird:  
  
Has anyone ever noticed how I am almost always with Vicious? He thinks I look cool on his shoulder, so he always makes me stand there. I never get a bloody moment to myself!!! I am very sorry, it's just so frustrating. Anyway, I am here to unleash my revenge on Vicious for never letting me be, and on that woman Vicious always used to have over for being so mean to me.  
  
  
  
Vicious  
  
~ Every Thursday at eight o'clock, Vicious has ballet lessons.  
  
~ Every once in a while Vicious paints his toenails "just for fun"  
  
~ Vicious plucks his eyebrows.  
  
~ Vicious's shiny silvery blonde hair? It's a wig, he's really completely bald.  
  
Julia  
  
~ Julia never loved Spike or Vicious, she just wanted to see who had sex better.  
  
~ Julia works as a prostitute on weekends (surprise surprise, huh?)  
  
~ Julia used to be a 300 pound male trucker named Tiny-it's a wonder what surgery can do (oh, and by the way, not even Vicious know this one!) 


	3. Some Weird Alley Cat Dishes on Gren sorr...

What nice reviews! *wipes a tear from her eye* Okay, anyway, thanks to some absolutely brilliant ideas from my hero Jazz King, I now have chapter 3! Alright, this one's a bit odd; it's set up a little differently than the other chaps. It's about Gren. Hope you enjoy it. If you do, please review and tell me so (I need that kind of assurance ^_^)! If you don't. . .well, you can tell me that too, I can handle it! Anywho, on with the fic!  
  
From an alley cat's POV  
  
I was innocently digging through trash one day when this absolute @$$ came down my alley. He sat down and started reading what must have been a diary aloud (it was very distracting). He said some pretty interesting things. Here is some of what he said:  
  
~ "I was really trying to play Old McDonald on my sax, but ended up playing Space Lion instead."  
  
~ "The other day, Vicious gave me this look; I wonder if he feels the same way about me as I feel about him?"  
  
~ "I completely lied to Faye the other day, I told her my breasts were the results of an experiment. . . what I didn't tell her was that I actually got them before the war."  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm really, sorry it's so short, but that's all I've got. My apologies to all the Gren fans out there. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd go watch Jupiter Jazz for inspiration, but I accidentally taped over part two, and I'm too lazy to go see which tape I have part one on. Maybe I'll post more Gren secrets in a future chapter. I also wanted to hurry up and get this chap out, b/c I've got a few ideas for chapter 5 (which is going to be back to the Bebop crew). I'll see if I do any more chapters after that. Please r/r and tell me what you think, and of course, suggestions/ideas are ALWAYS welcome!!!!  
  
~ Super Nova ~ 


	4. Apologies

I am SOOOOO sorry the next chapter is taking so long!!! I am working on it now, it should only be a few days till its up now. Again, I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused. ^_^ 


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